Delicate Arch - Arches National Park, UT
This is Delicate Arch. You can see it with your own eyes by crawling through a snake infested desert with scorpions jumping out of what little vegetation there is….Not really, though. It’s a few miles round trip hike, from an obvious trailhead, which is frequented by thousands each year. My photo is one of about 47,361 selfies and other photos that were taken that day. NONE of them do it justice.
Capitol Reef National Park, UT
Well, this is why this park is named what it is. The Capitol Dome. Looks kind of like a government building, I suppose… Right on the road too, can’t miss it.
Canyonlands National Park, UT
This is a photo from the iconic Mesa Arch. People from all around the world come to this exact location to photograph the sunrise as it turns the inside of the arch mesmerizing shades of red. This photo, however, was taken at sunset.
Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park, CO
The Grand Canyon is crazy big. This canyon isn’t as big, but it is very dramatic. Veins of rock, coursing through the…other rock. At least the rock is two different colors so you can see it. The river 9,000 feet below (it’s actually 2,250 ft at the deepest point) roars, as it carves it’s way through. I think its pretty neat.
Grand Canyon National Park, AZ
This is a view of the canyon from the super touristy South Rim. All kinds of buses and people from all over the world walking up to the edge and almost fainting. What’s cool, is I woke up to this view.
Great Smoky Mountains National Park, NC & TN
This is a view from the road that leads you up to the highest point in the park, Clingman’s Dome. I think this part is in Tennessee. It was a rainy day, as it seems like it always is in that part of the country. I remember LOTS of people complaining about the hike up to the top, breathing hard while smoking cigarettes. The second hand smoke does make for some nice blue layers, though…THAT’S WHY THEY CALL THEM THE SMOKIES.
Saguaro National Park, AZ
TONS of cacti. Like, Roadrunner and Coyote cacti. What I remember most, was the Tarantula Hawk Wasp. Evidently, the 2nd most painful sting in the world (#1 with a bullet..ant) and i’m scared of flying, stinging things. The rangers told us about them, and I was more freaked out by that thing than a rattlesnake. Which there are tons of them too.
Wrangells - St Elias National Park, AK
This is the Kennicot, or Kennicott, or Kenicott (I don’t remember how to spell it) Copper mine in the LEGIT MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. But, I’d be remiss if I didn’t say it was fucking beautiful, and I love it out there. Oh, and that’s a glacier on the left, and the biggest mountain I’ve ever seen in person is obscured by the clouds. Mt. Blackburn 16,390 feet, but you can’t see it. TEASE. Actually, I’ve only seen it once, because CLOUDS ARE DICKS SOMETIMES.
Yosemite National Park, CA
Man, could there be a more iconic view? I don’t think so. You can see Half Dome, El Capitan, and Bridalveil Fall from right here at the Tunnel View. This place was packed with people from all around the world, and they are all (including me) just as annoying as you would think. But…if you don’t take a pic you’re an idiot.
Great Sand Dunes National Park, CO
Ever try to hike up to the top of a sand dune? Turns out, it’s pretty freaking hard, just like digging a hole in the sand. You take twice as many steps to go half the distance up. I did make it up to the top of one of those things.
Yellowstone National Park, WY - ID - MT
Freaking, Yellowstone. Because geysers are dope. This isn’t Old Faithful, though. To be honest, Old Faithful is pretty much a letdown, because it really isn’t very big when it’s spurting. It’s just (mostly) on time.
Grand Teton National Park, WY
This is such a cool place. I’ve managed to make it there twice, and both times I’ve seen a grizzly bear. The first time, I almost hit one with my car. Ask my sister about that one…
Devil's Tower, WY
This is where the aliens landed in the late 1970s. They had a super huge horn on their spaceship. And when they were done blowing their huge horn, Richard Dryfuss was named Earth’s ambassador to their planet and went with them. At least he made it back to make one of our cinematic treasures, “What About Bob?” with Bill Murray. While not officially a national “park”, it is the United States’ first National Monument.
Badlands National Park, SD
The Lakota Native Americans called this place Mako Sica, which roughly translates to “land-bad.” Then we took this land from them, too. Just like a bunch of assholes.
Redwoods National Park, CA
What can I say about this place? These are some BIG MF’N TREES!! And this place is crazy beautiful. Just like the movie…you know the one. With Kirsten Dunst, where she’s crazy, AND beautiful? Yeah, I never saw it either.